Schrecklich Mittwoch :-(
Es ist der Tag die Woche,
Wenn ich halb weg durch bin,
Die Wocke hat ihre schonheit oder Glanz verloren,
Und die Wochenende veil weg ist...
Schrecklich wahhlerisch...
Okay heres what I am saying....
Dreadful Wednesday :-(
It is that day of the week,
When I am half way through,
The week has lost its sheen and beauty,
And the weekend is still far fetched dream...
Horribly nice....
You should write more short poems like this. In english ;) (Why german suddenly?)
ReplyDeleteIf I had to edit it, it'd be,
"Dreadful Wednesday.
It is that day of the week,
where I'm only halfway through.
The week has lost its sheen
and the weekend is still
a far-fetched dream.
Horrible.
Nice."
My constructive criticism/tips to you.
Don't use two adjectives conveying the same meaning. Punctuation is of vital importance and can make or break the soul of a poem (to a reader). Recite the poem while you write and once you've written it, see if that's how your mind/soul/heart spoke those words inside. Break lines etc accordingly.
The last line I took liberty, that's just my opinion. It makes a poetic/dramatic end. ;) :)
But still dude, great poem, I really like this. Keep writing short poignant stuff like this, you'll get better and find your voice. Doff my hat.
Hmm k..U seriously have a point. Shall work on it.
ReplyDeleteAnd dankeschon (thank you)dude.
And y German? Its a new language which I am learning, so just giving it a try;)
Tooo Germanishhh!!!...GOOODD ONE though:)
ReplyDeleteMakess sense:)...
n the punctuations make such a diff noe...jus compareddd..
Auf ghet's!!!